Jasmine Hart

I like your theme here, and I agree that the last stanza is your best. I really enjoyed the imagery. Actually, I really liked the first verse.I felt I could ...

This version is better, I think. I'm not sure "darkest" works, I think it makes the line sound too long-winded... The second verse is better now, though I'm not sure ...

It's lovely, but I think that some of your phrases jar a little, eg "latches"and "launches". I think you could use better words here. Overall it flowed nicely, and your ...

It's nice, but I think that some of your rhythm is out in places.Maybe change line four to "across the strands of time.", and "never undone" to "not undone", and ...

Great, my eyes are welling up. This is rare! I love it, especially the first stanza.Your imagery is brilliant, and I love the contrast between lines two and three. I ...

I love them both, especially the first one, as I was really impressed that you managed to tell a story given the constraints of this form. I loved the alliteration ...

Brilliant. I really loved the last stanza, especially the last sentence. I think, in the second line, I'd omit "in its waters", because...well, I'm not really sure why, maybe because ...

Em...woah. I love it. It reminded me of Plath's villanelles. I LOVE Plath. The first thing I'd say is, where's the punctuation? :( Poor neglected punctuation, why are you so ...

Lovely. I have a few minor suggestions; I'd omit "to" from the second line as it's not needed. I don't like "dirt-dirty", but I loved "not a nothing in sight". ...

Wow. I'd try to say something constructive, but I'm too amazed and frankly I think this is perfect. I loved the ending, especially the last line. It sounded really musical ...

I agree about the adjectives, and I'd use punctuation. I loved the second stanza, but I think that you could feel this more, hence helping your readers to feel it. ...

I like it, but I'm not sure about the ends of the verses. I don't think they properly conveyed the worry and heartache and grief, and all the other things ...

Lol. This was great, very funny. I think the second line needs another syllabyl. Maybe choose an adjective with two syllabyls, and say "(adjective) monsters lurk under my bed." I ...

Lol. Lovely. I think I'd change "shining" to "blazing" as it sounds more menacing. I'd omit the comma after "feather", as I don't think that you need it. I love ...

How did I not see this until now? Ok, this made my eyes well up! No joke! That never happens! I really love this. (Though, what's new? I love everything ...